Sorry to butt in – I was just blog-lurking, following a failed attempt to post something on Mark’s blog, the one that he was so gracious to co-pilot with me, the one I am neglecting due to a nasty case of writer’s block – when I saw your “but you look so healthy…” post and just had to comment.

My friend Jenni’s first son weighed 11 pounds, 12 ounces (not a c-section, fyi – feel free to cringe) and inevitably the first thing people would ask when I’d tell them this was, “Is she a big girl?”

I mean: HOW STUPID! Would it matter if she is 6 foot 4? No girl has a birth canal wide as I-5, regardless of if she’s “a big girl” or not. I do not think her own height or chub or bone structure has anything to do with it – I mean, NO ONE is that big, NOTHING warrants a baby that size, and NO MATTER HOW GIGANTIC THE MOTHER IS, babies do not pop out like the ping-pong ball scene in “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” It took them 45 minutes to stitch her back together after the delivery, for Pete’s sake.

(She is only 5’10”, btw, same as me. Not a freak. And, bless her heart, she got pregnant 7 weeks later and delivered a mere 9 pounder before big-boy was 11 mos old!)

Observation #1: When one is pregnant, it is an open invitation for the social skills and intelligence of others to fly right out the window. Seemingly smart people will say completely asinine things.

Observation #2: When one is pregnant, others will abandon the concepts of physical boundaries, personal space, and tact – and do things like touch your stomach. I actually batted a woman’s hand away at QFC when I was 9+ mos pg (and apparently had a big “rub my belly” sign on my tummy, invisible only to me). I then said, “If I didn’t grab your ass, then you should probably get your hands off my belly.” I have no idea what that meant, and it’s not like me to snap at people, but it felt good at the time.

Observation #3: It doesn’t end with pregnancy – as you know, the next item up for discussion, now that the world will be done discussing your body, is your baby. Same things: people will say stupid things, ask stupid questions, and want to touch the poor helpless little pea. Pregnancy is not just a time for worry, chocolate, vitamins, nesting, ultrasounds, big pants, and mood swings: it is a time to hone your sarcasm and think of snappy comebacks.

Here's my pregnancy blunder:
Jana and i visited a friend who was about 6 months prego, and i exclaimed "WOW! You're HUGE!" I meant it as a compliment - like "Dude! You're huge! " Needless to say, she didn't take it that way...

I'm still trying to live that one down...

at least she was actually pregnant... ever asked someone how far along they are, when they aren't? i personally have not, but it's got to be the worst of the worst, as far as pregnancy blunders go!